Sunday, May 17, 2009

Bryan's War on Bears

Bryan Fischer has declared ‘open season’ on Alaskan bears, claiming that they ‘are emerging from their dens and once again strolling through Anchorage neighborhoods, mauling children and literally going from driveway to driveway rooting through garbage cans.’

He then suggests that in a ‘biblical worldview perspective, predatory animals that endanger livestock and humans can and should be removed wherever necessary’ before noting that ‘[t]he folks in Anchorage, Alaska are probably about ready for a return to biblical values.’

Naturally Bryan’s ‘Bible-based’ perspective is replete with inconsistency, in this case directly contradicting the story of the prophet Elijah, who upon being taunted for baldness by two youths, cursed them, inducing a vicious mauling which resulted in their bodies being ripped into 42 pieces.

We quote 2 Kings 2 23-4, ‘as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head. And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.’

Far be it from us to question God for His use of she-bears to undertake a little dirty work, but the bears do appear to have a purpose here that precludes their extermination. And while we concede that Alaskans did elect a Governor who writhes on the floor in religious fits and speaks better Parseltongue than Harry Potter, we hardly think they’ve a desire to ‘return to the biblical values’ of Elijah.

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